October 2nd, 2006
|01:29 am - the tree creature|
... and i haven't even recorded what I did the last trip. Maybe a sketch would do:
THURS 07 SEP - arrived at night and went to BED before bed.FRI 08 SEP - bonded with G, first-time MOA, CCP, evening with L
SAT 09 SEPUCC with M, then C
Swiss Inn to meet JD
SUN 10 SEP
Starbucks with K and H before flying out.
And some evidence of where I was from Credit card slips:
|01:04 am - the tree creature|
Now that I'm writing about it and get to think about it, I'm getting more convinced that it's his construct. A projection -- but as I told L tonight, unlike that of Paolo Bediones. This is more emanating from him, one that he has not yet con-fronted, not come face to face to and one that is always BEHIND him.
I saw the reptillian-ness of the creature and was probably influenced by his probing as to the "plantness" of the creature. I would say "tree bark" texture of the skin. But the disposition is female. The tongue is forked (I just realize now that it/she is closer to a snake than a lizard and this is why the limbs are unclear -- though I did sense a head and "shoulders".
Now I wouldn't even want to start considering the "other" companions that L has... although towards the end of the night (and to think there was no alcohol this evening!) I sense a "cherubim-like" attachment that can project (eject) itself and grow into a more humanoid-like form.
This would've qualified as a "strange" evening but I'm not weirded out at all. In fact I like the way things turned out.
Oh and he did say he was going to return the favor one of these days and I said, why not now? So he did Deanna Troi on me -- the gist of it: "ayaw'g kabalaka kay naa man mi diri..." that after saying I was hurt (did he say lonely or is that MY projection now?) -- he said I felt pain. I say I'm letting that pain melt away and replacing it with love.
(photo taken from wikipedia for lack of a closer image -- but that's the general idea with rougher more bark like reddish-brown skin)
December 31st, 2005
|06:29 am - Mischief and the Mischeivious Boys|
Surprised to find a link to my LJ at the MischieviousBoys.Com Link Page. Found a good number of links there -- just goes to show how popular the boys are becoming. In fact, the boys have got a blog at http://mischieviousboys.blogspot.com/ that the original MischieviousBoys.Com site links to. I've been playing around with the idea of bringing them over for a show since I first saw their videos. I guess that might just become a reality... or not...
See, I clicked on the posted links: More McVie Show Link 1 | Link 2 and found this on the first link:
they need to make porn!!!
The anonymously-posted link brings you to an ADULT ONLY SITE (Kids please don't click! I hope netnannies work on this!) that shows Joseph in the nude.
My first reaction was: awww... that's too bad... (and ok, maybe "gross" too like Ms. Anonymous posted). Now it'll get really controversial to bring them over -- there goes a few prospective product endorsements!
Then: hmmm... he IS sexy.... and hmmm.. controversial is always good in the land of weekend-afternoon showbiz chismis shows...
And then: hey, I've got to see the rest of the boys, too! MLQ3 is right!
In the end, I got reminded about my own prejudices, my own hypocrisy... and my lack of self-acceptance. You see, I loved the boys when I saw them: I loved them because they are to me so much fun -- so gay and so happy and confident in what they're doing. So what's wrong seeing one of them in the buff on a porn site? Ok, so porn is arguably harmful and "BAD" -- but hey, I like porn -- so why should I feel bad about seeing Joseph do stuff for the camera?
So it is that I reaffirm my fondness for the boys! In fact, I posted some photos of them on flickr and created a badge to post here... (oops.. it refuses to show up on LJ. Point to "http://www.flickr.com/photos/85197681@N00/sets/1700898/" for my Mischievious Boys Photoset on Flickr
ps - i've got a few x-rated photos of Joseph -- anyone know if there are adult-only groups on flickr?
pps - interestingly, i know mlq3 irl and i think i used to work in the same office McVie... come to think of it, I think I used to have a crush on Leigh ... so that only leaves ANONYMOUS on that post... and I wouldn't be surprised if I know who that person is... (if i do, could you please email me your username/password to view that nasty site?)
ppps - could ANONYMOUS turn out to be one of the Mischievious Boys?
|04:17 am - Is G4M a specificially PINOY website?|
I've always been a late bloomer. Started to explore other guys at an age when anyone who's straight would've made up his mind. Had my first bf at 25! ... and I've only started to explore guys4men a little over a month!
I'm still definitely a fan of Fridae and will faithfully log on there -- in fact, I took advantage of their 2-months freebie Holiday offer...
What I do find different (and I suppose, like) about Guys 4 Men is the number of Filipinos in it! Now I'm wondering what percentage pinoys make up of g4m users...
Current Mood: curious
December 4th, 2005
|11:50 pm - The Mischievious Boys|
Been more than a week now that I've been trying to get out of Effexor and things are predictably strange. Unlike other people who actually get crying bouts or wild withdrawal symptoms, I've only been in 75mg/dose deep and managing quite well. This is my major amusement of the day:
Tommy, Joseph, Edward & David aka The Mischievious Boys pronounced as "mis-chee-vee-uhs" (intended spelling!)
Was trying to send back hearts on Fridae and found a link to their Google Video files. From there I found a link to their site where I happily downloaded their videos. Clicking on VIEW takes you to YouTube which is a bit congested (read: slow, choppy) -- but then again that just might be my link to their servers. I suggest viewing the boys on Google Video.
My initial reaction was: Hey, i'd love to hang with these guys! You can tell from their videos that they know how to have fun -- in fact, making these video is their idea of fun! It beat watching Maximo Oliveros this aftenoon in the scale of things-to-keep-me-sane.
Producer / Director (and I assume choreographer) Joseph has great moves. He reminds me of DJ War and probably has just as fun taste in music as well.
Joseph's pal Tommy is cute, funny and bound to be a lot of people's crush. You can tell from his lip-synching that he's really into this kind of fun and it shows in his smile that he's enjoying himself.
Reserved-looking "bad boy" David looks great on cam especially when you know he's just being himself and having fun. He looks huggable and especially adorable when he's dancing around with full facial expression.
David's buddy Edward is a cutie-pie who's gorgeous but a bit reserved. While he's not always so "into it" in the videos, he's consistently a pretty face anyway.
Got the photos from video captures of the .mov downloads (I hope that's not infringing anyone's rights). The last photo (of Edward) I snatched from www.face-pic.com/drawdef (I hope it's not illegal to snatch a personal photo like that...). Anyway, I got the face-pic link from an anonymous LJ comment to a post of ageage whose link i found in an entry of aznpoptart which in turn i found in Links to The Mischievious Boys on the Web.
The fact that the first link on my-favorite-website-of-the-night happens to be a blog on LJ made me ressurect aisingioro after more than a year of inactivity...
Current Mood: amused
November 9th, 2004
|01:58 am - ETW - First of a Series|
ETW – First of a Series
(a blabbering attempt at a phenomenology)
I’m sure I’ll be writing about ETW for quite a number of times, hence the “first of a series”. It’s a significant part of my life, a recurring theme if my biography would be cinematized – the refrain or chorus of the O song.
Credit goes to MC for coining the acronym for Expert Time Waster / Expert Time Wasting. The term can be noun, verb and infinitive, however one wants. In fact I can ETW now by trying to find out just how many ways the term can be used!
I just sent her an SMS (a valuable ETW method in itself, along with internet use, chatting, email and journal-writing / blogging) to the effect that she must’ve coined the term upon realizing how much time has passed while she’s accomplished very little. One can see ETW as an active form of “analysis paralysis.” What comes to mind now is Daddy commenting about Mrhees, “ikot ng ikot ang pwet…” noticing how much she’s been going around the room without really accomplishing anything. The specific situation would be at his hotel room when we ought to be packing and getting ready for the next day’s departure.
While we can be observed ETWing – that is, wasting time and not doing much – the true essence of ETWing is when one REALIZES it. This may be before or after the fact.
Going back to MC, I told her (in the same SMS) that I grasp the essence of ETW because I’ve precisely found myself in that situation: realizing that I’ve been wasting time, knowing that I could’ve done more. It’s a feeling that time just went by very quickly accompanied by a tinge of regret of having squandered it. However the regret also comes with acceptance – however forced; because really, what can you do? – that one can’t do anything about the lost time.
The perfect example would be getting up early in the morning to get a head-start on a day that’s full of activity. You find yourself bogged down on checking you email (which leads to clicking on link after link after link) and realize you’ve spent a couple of hours not accomplishing anything. You’ve been ETWing by running a virus check, checking out your miles, reading the news, etc. Two hours later, you realize you’ve squandered your head-start!
I’ve often wondered if my tendency to ETW is a subconscious effort to sabotage myself. Definitely, ETW is a form of escapism. Very often I find myself ignoring the urgent task at hand simply because I dislike doing it. Yet as I said earlier, the state of ETW connotes the absence of a conscious intent to waste time – we leave that to the novices. An EXPERT time waster wastes time with little effort in the same way that an expert biker can brag, “look mom, no hands!”
One cannot “plan to ETW”; such an act can be satisfactory labeled by such terms as taking your time, relaxing, etc.
If not self-sabotage, the escape might be a means of coping with things. However, one does not only ETW during times of stress. In fact, ETW often happens during holidays just as much as they occur during your work week. I often used to find myself having spent hours fiddling on the hotel television to hook up my own music and miss out on much of the day intended for sighseeing and exploration.
Time to wrap up for now. So far, I’ve come up with the following characteristics of ETW:
Absence of Intent. One can ETW only if one doesn’t plan on wasting time.
Feeling of regret. An ETW has to accompanied by the realization that time could have been spent on things other than what it was in fact used for.
Feeling of loss. One realizes the ETW when one realizes that a considerable amount of time has been lost; this is relative to how much is available: one hour of writing email might not be much in a 9-hour work day but 5 minutes out of a 10-minute break is a lot to lose just as one hour of discussing an insignificant issue is a lot in a two-hour meeting.
Acceptance that time can’t be turned back. ETW is significant only because of the finality of the loss.
All I ever really wanted to type in here is that I’ve come to realize that I’ve been ETWing the past years of my life!!!
November 6th, 2004
|07:51 pm - WORK WEEK|
I meant to write down an entry in here as early as this morning. Got up at 9 and did the Long Relaxation. Checked my email – all those junk actually eat up my time – and managed to get some desktop work done. After lunch, I meant to write up about the past week but ended up watching QAF. Apparently, I didn’t just miss a few episodes of Season 1, I missed quite a lot.
Giuseppe’s get together is tonight. Watching the Folk make me want to dress up a bit tonight, make myself feel good by looking good. At least that’s something to look forward to – I stayed home all day.
The week’s been busy though – or at least I have to console myself by thinking I didn’t squander it all away like I did most of today. Tuesday, I got up early so as not to miss the flight back to Cebu (especially after they offered the bump-off). Got to sit beside JoeVince, with just the aisle separating us. By afternoon, I was meeting up with the boys of 005 and found out about Alvin’s resignation.
Wednesday was “Closing-Up BB Day” and as I was about to hang the For Rent sign, A and I actually gave a thought to keeping the space yet another time. For now, I’m bent on letting it go – still, no one knows how things will turn out, though. After lunch and with recharged camera batteries, I went back to BB to sign checks but decided not to shoot anything – most everything has been cleaned out and I just put the computer monitor and amplifier into my car and the computer CPU into the commi van.
A and I headed off to Technolux to buy blender parts and happened to pick out some shot glasses too. Got to 005 and found out that Alvin is a no-show – we were supposed to discuss his schedule and he didn’t even show up; I decide to take him out of the schedule altogether – that’s how I end up having work days assigned to me for 10 days the rest of November. Meantime, I get an SMS from Nicel saying that Lissa’s been crying.
I decide to head home for dinner. It’s probably been a good idea to stick to this routine – it’s been good for Mom and it’s been saving me money too. Although we were originally scheduled to meet the 003 boys at 830, I decide to fetch A at commi instead so we can talk to Lissa and Nicel. Funny that just after Lissa had a crying bout, Nicel had hers too. Talk about a sob fest.
By the time we get to 003, the new chairs have been installed and surprisingly, the place seemed really full. It was a busy night, almost 10PM and we decided to postpone the meeting for the next day. Got to talk to Leo who happened to be visiting next door. He seems content yet he couldn’t help missing the “hotel” lifestyle. One of those people who are really meant to run restaurants – and I’m thinking he was probably innocent of most things he’s been accused of.
Had the 005 staff meeting and was really disappointed that 7 of our boys and girls didn’t show up. The next day, I handed all those present GCs. As usual, JC kept bringing things up and while the meeting was going on, I had to send an SMS to A saying I don’t like his energy. I also added that it might be because I see parts of myself in him – parts that I may not be very proud of.
Slept at 6AM already. Dropped In on H who was with the 003 closers at some tapa place in Mabolo. Didn’t stay out late but tinkered with my computer and watched some QAF.
On Thursday, I got up at 9, yielding only 3 hours of rest. Went to commi to sign some checks. After lunch, I showed the BB space to Michelle (whom I kept calling Jenny for some strange reason) Ng and her husband (who H tells me beats her up).
Got to commi at 3ish, met up with J and R at 5.30 and found out that R’s been wanting to resign. Major headache. Not only was my brain hurting because of that prospect and the reports of J re variance manipulation, I also felt physically exhausted already – I told A I must be getting older because I used to be able stay up more than 48 hours and still be fine.
Fixed myself my fave canned dinner combi when I got home: tuna and chaosansi with rice, seasoned with chili sesame oil and a tinge of Kikkoman sushi soy. Thought I’d snatch a nap but left early enough to be at 005 by 1030, catching up on A who apparently just had dinner there with H. Closed up 005 and then headed to 003 where J with her cousin Kristine was there with Rich and H. After they leave, H announces infront of Roy, “O, did you know that Roy’s bisexual.” I head home and sleep.
Friday, I get up at 9 to Long Relaxation that gets interrupted by a phone call from Jagger of Ford re the extension of the temp registration. I head of to commi to talk to the girls about meals, curfew, condoms and visitors. I realized I should’ve considered inviting Joanne to that meeting.
I get to 005 before 3 and by 330 we were interviewing applicants. Shortly after 530, we already decided whom to hire. We also manage to talk to Ryan and Tony and give them their final warning – which I’m supposed to write down on paper now.
I make it home in time for dinner albeit a bit late. It would’ve been 2 nights that I missed seeing Mom if I missed it altogether. Showered early and slept before 1AM.
November 5th, 2004
|01:32 am - UNINTENTIONAL LIFE|
Thoughts I felt strongly over today:
… I intended to go to hotel school, that’s why I took up my course; I intended to go to Cornell so I worked at Hyatt for 2 years; I intended to try out a relationship and came home to Cebu for that reason; I thought I wanted to become a writer so I worked at EW.
Of course I went to neither Switzerland nor the Isle of Man for hotel school and I didn’t even take the GMAT after Sand Daza told me I was too young to go to Cornel. I am in Cebu and have been single most of my time here and I’m stuck owning and being responsible for EW without getting anything published since bumming around before Basic.
November 2nd, 2004
|08:40 pm - A PROMISE|
I flew in from Caticlan late this morning, having turned down SEAir’s offer to put me up for another night if I agreed to be bumped off. It was tempting to accept, of course and I would normally have been the perfect candidate. But most of this trip was about preparing myself for the coming busy days.
I’ve decided to move on and take over from Manager A at the start of this month. I scheduled an 005 Ops meeting this afternoon and I wanted to start off my re-involvement in the business with a good start. I suppose I did just that and I’m keen on keeping things positive. In fact, I’ve got some work to be done listed up for this evening and I told myself I only have until 21:00 to write this journal entry.
It would be lovely to have stayed in Boracay. It was a horrible experience to have been there on peak days. The minor irritation of having too many people at whom I had the urge to bark, “Excuse me, can you stay away from my sunset please!?!” was nothing compared to the dejection I felt over the throng that congregated in parties scattered all over MY beach. Still, my last day, a Monday, seemed to place back my faith in the good ole Bora that I’ve grown to love. With the gradual return of quiet, I knew that serenity would return to the island within this week. What pleasure it would have been to stay.
There are, however, challenges for me here. I know I’m up to them. And I know my next get-away will be even more enjoyable because of them.
And I will do a good job.
I’ve “kept my promise” by making it home in time for this afternoon’s Ops meeting. I’ll “keep my promise” of doing a good job of the business now that I’ve regained full responsibility for it.
So help me God.
Current Mood: optimistic
October 26th, 2004
|01:48 am - THE UNEXAMINED LIFE|
On a positive note, knowing what is wrong (in this case, realizing that I’ve been paralyzed!) is the first step to solving it. (Similarly, acknowledging the something is wrong precludes finding out what it is.)
I’ve been harping about precisely this idea whenever MC rings me to discuss her ongoing counseling and her apparently-too-gradual break-up. She rang me from #10 and quickly explained that AX wasn’t home. I just patiently reminded her to put her foot down and disentangle from him completely after she told me his transfer might be delayed.
This journal seems to be kicking off in the right direction. Writing about R’s FEELINGS of discouragement crystallized my realization about my own paralysis.
Now I should post this before ending up in something too long.